Here are my words

I feel I may have finally given in. Given in to the urge to simply write something here that is a simple statement of my current feelings. Not a planned action, not a carefully constructed advertisement of my own skill, but an honest delivery.

I have been analysing the reasons for starting a blog. Why is it I want people to see what I do? Usually I spend an awful lot of energy hiding my artistic endeavours away: in notepads, in drawers, in my head. But for what? The more I think about it, the more the answer always comes back to the same thing... fear. Grrr. It's big, it's nasty, it's FEAR! - 'What will people think of me? Surely it's no good'. etc. etc.

What is that fear about and why in the face of it do I crawl, moaning and crying, back into my 'cave of despair'? Recent realisations have shown me that it is a fear of expression, of showing my real self to the world. More to the point, a fear that my expression will be rejected, or even ridiculed. In the grand scheme of things, this should be no reason to stop. It is not the same kind of instinctive fear that tells us to run from a savage animal after all, I run no risk of physical injury. Yet somehow this bullyish and dominating fear gets in there, mashes up the controls, then stands back and wipes it's hands with twisted satisfaction. The key now is how to 'feel the fear and do it anyway', as they say.

So far I have put up images, photographs, painting, but not many words. Writing seems closer to the bone, a more real and direct expression of myself. It is speaking directly from me as opposed to using a material as a go between, the only thing here is me and the page. Scary. It's all safe and easy when my words are hidden away on a notepad, but ultimately unfulfilling; the real challenge is letting them out into the minds and hearts of others. Art with no witness means nothing.

So in a way this blog is a platform, a stage, to put thoughts, feelings or expressions into the public realm for others to see. Now all I have to do is press the button and resist the urge to tell myself I've been a bit too adventurous. See you on the other side.